A Good Man
Greatness vs. Good(ness)
Chasing the golden carrot of greatness can consume many a man and often does. In my opinion greatness is highly overrated. A better proposition is that, men should been inclined to pursue goodness not greatness. This does not mean that a man should become a doormat. Remember there is a huge difference between a nice guy and a good guy. Greatness generally serves only the purpose of furthering ones own desires. This isn’t conducive with a fulfilled life. Rather he should dedicate his life in service to others. Now there is something to be said about a man and his own self development of course. Sometimes the best way to help others is to help yourself first. But it is important to note that one should not get lost in the pursuits of solely self preservation and should also look towards being of service to others, for this is where true fulfillment lies. Often we get caught up in this idea of ”Oh when I get that dream job, or that dream car, or that dream house, I’ll be satisfied and happy”. Often we forget that most of the wealthiest people who have all of this and more, are severely unhappy. Inversely, people in dire poverty are also very unhappy. We are bombarded with fake platitudes and we are placated with incessant imagery of the stunningly perfect lives of the wealthy. Where is the glorification of service to others?
When you are on your deathbed, you wont be raving about your stock portfolio or your possessions, you will be thinking and obsessing about your loved ones and all the memories you shared with them. Ultimately all of these peripheral things are hollow. And we generally associate these things with “Greatness”. To be good, means to be of service to others and to be present when you are around them. To have compassion towards your wife, your kids, your neighbour. Cultivating meaningful relationships with people who share similar values and you genuinely want the best for.
It is a tricky balance as a man that we must strike. We must provide enough that our family is secure and not in a frail state. But we must also set aside enough spiritual energy to be present and have genuine compassion for them. It is a tough balancing act no doubt, but we were made for suffering. You do not want to be that “uber successful” man who completely checked out of his kids lives for decades hoping that he earned enough, but then realized that he missed out on the most important things all along. On his deathbed, all he will care about is making things right with the kids that he has estranged. I would far rather downgrade my quantity of life so that I can scale up the quality of my family’s life.
"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others." - Pericles
To clarify, I do not think that self achievement and goodness need to be mutually exclusive traits. I simply think that leaning too far into greatness will rob a man of what is truly important in this life. Good men can create rippling effects on their loved ones and communities. The people around these men appreciate them for who they are and not just for what they have achieved. These men leave behind them a legacy, not of wealth, but of the memories people have of them and how they helped these people throughout their lives. They didn’t solely chase that gold medal or that massive bank account. A bit of nuance is required here. I’m not against those things, I’m going after those things too. I want to kill it at work, my personal entrepreneurial endeavours, physical endeavours, mental acuity etc. But I am recognizing that as I move forward with all those pursuits, I want to keep the most important thing at the forefront of my mind. My relationship with God is more important than my bank account. My relationship with my parents, my brother, my future wife, and one day my children, are all more important than any of my personal endeavours. The peace and joy we seek through purely endeavours of greatness will not come, it comes from your relationship with God, family, and community, and what you can do for them. These relationships are what builds a wonderful legacy, not writing your name in the sky.
Welcome weary traveller. The road I take it, was long and fraught with peril. Here you may rest your head. - Project Lazarus