Where I come from, my homeland of Serbia, there's a saying “После двадесет сви смо вршњаци”. Roughly translated, “after the age of twenty, we all become colleague's”. At a certain point, we stop looking at age and begin to seek out energy, principles, and values. Usually before twenty years of age, is when we are clique oriented and believe that we must stick to our age for both friendships and love interests. I deduce this to the grade school model we are funneled into from the beginning. I feel as though this system creates more detriment than good. We are limited in our ability to seek out connections with those that truly strike a nerve with our fundamental inner principles. I digress. This could easily turn into a rant on the failures of the modern school system and the way it is structured but for the sake of conciseness we will keep this article limited to the topic at hand, the discussion of age being but a number.
Some of my closest friends are older than I. In fact at every point in my life, the people I've been closest to were of a different age. Sometimes many years older. Sometimes a couple of years younger. While there is something to be said about the connection between aging and wisdom. Wisdom and experience do not always accrue in a linear path in direct relation to age itself.
“We mature with the damage, not with the years” - Mateus William
This bit of a grim way to say that it is experience that grants us wisdom and maturity. This is in contrast to the belief that the amount of years that we have lived so far, is what grant us good judgement and knowledge.
We all know those people. The ones who are in their late twenties and thirties, still going out, immature and wasting their potential. This is not a slam piece on these people. In fact I pity them, because I've been there. They are lost, and without purpose. We look these people and we shudder with disapproval. Perhaps out of a disapproval that is rooted in a reflection of ourselves that we see in them. Or perhaps it is malcontent and fear, concerning the fact that we could have just as easily slipped down that same slope had we not made certain decisions in life. In any case the result is the same. They are searching for connection and meaning in this life and have not yet been able to find the people they connect with that pull them up rather than drag them down.
For us to understand the reason behind the lack of connection between age and wisdom. First have to define what it is that connects us as people. What it is that gives us a certain feeling intrinsically when we stumble upon someone who triggers a desire for us to bond with them. Usually it is through like-mindedness that we create connections. Generally this means that the person lines up with us with regards to principles, values, morals, beliefs, spirituality, and other traits. I believe these things are of the utmost importance however I do not think that they are the be all end all of whether someone will inevitably find their way into your heart. I have people that I line up with on many of these traits that I cannot stand to be around. And in stark contrast there are people in my life who don't exactly align with me on all of these things but are very near and dear to me. I'm not saying that someone can be completely unaligned with me on these traits. There are certain things that I simply cannot and will not tolerate being part of somebody's belief system. However there are many a time in which I find myself having disagreements and having differences of opinion with certain people and I still thoroughly enjoy my time with them. Age is but a number and no guarantee of someone lining up with your values. These come from experience and how they were raised.
Why is this? Well I believe that the first component to connecting with somebody are those aforementioned morals, values, beliefs etc. However, equally important, I believe that the second component is; somebody's outlook, their energy, and their understanding of you. If the first component is what attracts us to somebody in the first place. Then the second component it is what keeps us coming back.
If someone is calm, collected and truly desires good for you. Then that person is someone that you are naturally inclined to desire to be around. As I stated before there are people who line up with me on many of my values. But their energy is off and they seem duplicitous in what they say they want for you, and what they truly want for you. I know this is going to sound very modernist and hipster-ish, but energy does not lie. One of my closest friends and the one that I've had for the longest, completely disagrees with me on one of my most fervent beliefs. That being firearms ownership. It's a heated topic and can get impassioned on both sides. However it is always a constructive discussion and we are never at each other's throats. We respectfully disagree and move forward. His energy is what keeps me going back to him after all this time. He's a positive person and has a smile on whenever I see him and is genuinely happy that we're in each other's presence. That's the kind of person you want around you regardless of if they align with you on every single thing that you believe in. You want someone who wants the best for you. Age is but a number and is no guarantee that someone's energy will be favourable. It comes from experiences and how they handled them.
Now to get to the nitty gritty of the wisdom component of this article, and how this ties into our attraction to others. The third component with regards to connecting with others, is that they bring some wisdom to the table, they offer something, just as you do. There are people who are pampered and sheltered who have had no true experience or pain in their life. No suffering from which to draw experience and glean wisdom. This is not to harp on about how certain people have it easy. Far from it. However one cannot deny that having a more tumultuous life whether by your own doing or at the hand of others, does build character. I'm not saying for you to go out and find the most nefarious person you can and assume that because they've been in the dumps they will bring wisdom. Not at all. However it's almost always the people who have gone through hard times, that will make the best of companions. And age has no hold on these circumstances. As stated previously, the people I surround myself with is an eclectic group of guys who span anywhere from a couple years younger than myself, to several years older. In fact one of the guys that I get along with best is almost my father's age. One thing that all of these guys have in common is that they've had a hell of a life. They've had both highs and lows, and it is an absolutely blessing to be able learn from them. Just as I hope to be able to illuminate them through the experiences that I have had in my life.
I believe that this third component ties together all of what we ought to consider to be important pillars in what makes us connect with others. And the beautiful thing is that at any age all three of these components can come together in a perfect symbiosis to hand us someone whom we would die for. At any age someone can have in them deeply entrenched values that coincide with that of yourself. At any age someone can have a fantastic energy about them. And at any age someone can have accrued experience and wisdom.
This is why I think that age is but a number. There's a reason this saying has become popularized in modern colloquialisms. Whether we are speaking about pair bonding with the romantic partner or a long-standing friendship with someone. Age truly is but a number and we can find valuable relationships with people in the oddest of places and times, we just have to be open to looking.
Welcome weary traveller. The road I take it, was long and fraught with peril. Here you may rest your head. - Project Lazarus